I Would Buy it Twice
by Sus
Summary: Things could have been so perfect if it had only been the two of them. She understands him like no-one else, why can't she understand this? Balem x Seraphi. Vignettes of 50,000 years together.
1. Chapter 1

_It was always soft yellow in the tank room. _

"_My son", she murmured, running a hand over the smooth tactile metal of the wombtank. It was the only one in the bank currently functioning, reproduction being something the Abrasax family rarely indulged in._

_She had been told that the developing foetus would be able to hear her at this stage, and that it may be beneficial for him to be spoken to. Touching the tank had no reported benefits, but she liked its smooth warmth and the faint pulse of life within that she fancied she could feel. The contours of metal were lit by the warm glow of the recessed lamps, and for the moment Seraphi felt that she could bring herself to love her son._

Balem Abrasax loved his mother. Of his father he knew little; Seraphi had had no interest in telling Balem about him and he had never pushed. He rather suspected he resembled his father, heaven knew he had little of his warm-skinned dark-haired mother about him, and so he kept silent on the subject.

She held his gaze, handing him the sheave she wanted him to read.

"Mother, please. You know this kind of talk upsets me" he said, teary eyed, his lip trembling slightly. He could never hide his emotions from her.

"Darling boy, we none of us are destined for eternity. And we are a particularly accident-prone family". She smiled her glittering smile, touching his arm. She pressed the sheave on him, and he took it to prevent it clattering to the floor. Her will.


	2. Chapter 2

_Nannies did the hard work, of course. Seraphi was a businesswoman and the demands of Abrasax Industries would brook no interference from a red-headed freckly toddler who reminded her all too much of his worthless father. She should have had Balem's genes more sharply manipulated, really she should, but then, she hadn't known his wastrel sire was going to prove himself so utterly unworthy of her time. _

_She tried to see him often, but who knew children grew so fast? She would barely have a Harvest safely overseen, a Seeding competently underway, when he would be brought to her, six inches taller and with another hundred ways to baffle and intrigue her. _

_It was in his sixteenth year that she realised his utility. She hadn't seen him for (mere moments-) at least two years, and when her attendant ushered in a tall creature with his father's hair and every bit of the Abrasax self-assurance she was astonished and gratified. Her son! _

"My mother," Balem said tersely "Will be with you when she is quite ready".

The visitor smiled graciously but Balem knew he'd made him uncomfortable. He didn't care. Not in the least. Balem refused even to remember his name; some scion of a lesser house, with a few properties here and there; manufacturing an inferior product. Contemptible. Not fit to speak to the Lady Abrasax, let alone –

He kicked his long legs out in front of him and continued to stare moodily past the sheave he was pretending to read. He knew this was quite beneath his dignity, but he didn't care about that either.

Seraphi drifted into the room, smelling heavenly, looking radiant and smiling like an angel. "Ready darling?" she said, and Balem's already sour expression twisted still further, his back to her radiating ice and the sheave trembling slightly, hardly noticeable. But she noticed. She would always notice every tremor in his delicate fingers, every nuance of his stance and every meaning in his gaze. There would be an argument later, shouting, overturning of furniture, a thorough exercising of the Abrasax family temper. Frankly Balem looked forward to it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Working alongside someone was a delightful novelty, someone she could trust, someone whose instincts and interests were so closely entwined with hers that betrayal became unthinkable. He seemed to regard her with a mixture of awe and adoration she found quite intoxicating, even when they disagreed. She could give him a planet and within a century the skim would be showing improvements, yields would be up, profits expanding. He could talk to the media so charmingly that share prices would rise overnight. Balem Abrasax may have had his father's looks, but every bit of his business savvy was hers; pure Abrasax acumen and a temper to match. _

_Their fights became legendary among their staff and retainers. Sooner or later smashed sheaves, broken chairs and overturned tables had littered their quarters in every refinery, alcazar and palace Seraphi owned. They were too alike in this way, they couldn't disagree amicably. The staff knew better than to interfere. It almost always ended in a Nectar bath. Him, damp with tears, sobbing and helpless in her arms as she smoothed his ruffled hair and kissed away the vivid red slap marks on his delicate face, her own hair riotous, sometimes with a handful torn out and with purple fingermark bruises on her upper arms._

"_My boy," she would whisper into the graceful curve of his ear "my darling boy"._

Sharing his mother with his siblings did not agree with him. Kalique he could tolerate, she kept her distance and tried to understand him rather than befriend him. Titus he could have cheerfully thrown from the highest point of the refinery he ran for his mother on Jupiter.

Sharing a father as they did with each other and not with Balem, they were very alike and fought and squabbled and laughed and whispered with each other in a baffling manner. Thinking of their father Balem found it hard to know when he had most hated the man; when he had sailed in and captured Seraphi's love with such ease, or when he had left her crying and heartbroken, even Balem's kisses and caresses unable to bring back the smile he longed for every waking moment of life.

Her will, that once detested document, had actually become a source of comfort to him. His siblings had of course had to be accommodated, and it gave him pleasure to leaf through it and see the prime properties that would be left to him, potential populations numbering in the billions and tens of billions, and even her favourite, a strange little planet, fairly near in fact to his Jupiter refinery, named Earth.

"My, my, brother, you're smiling", said Titus in his aggravating way. "Has it been a century since the last one already?"

Kalique giggled. Balem looked at his brother languidly and contemptuously. "No indeed, _brother_, but it has been at least as long since you were able to hold your head up in the board room. How are the properties you manage for mother? Thriving?"

Titus grinned. "Oh, I think you'll find mother has been _most _pleased with me lately".

Balem flushed, as ever unable to hide his emotions when it came to Seraphi. "You keep a respectful tongue in your head, boy". His eyes were filling again, and from the corner of his eye he could see Kalique's pitying expression. Intolerable. He stood and swept from the room, choking back an anguished sob, a battle he lost as soon as he was alone in his chamber.


	4. Chapter 4

_She taught Balem everything she knew, everything her mother taught her. _

_It often worried her how close they were. Physically, mentally, emotionally. He was an invaluable companion, and he drank in her instruction like a man dying of thirst, but his intensity sometimes frightened her and so she consciously sought company elsewhere. She attended the social occasions and weddings she always had and caught the eye of the men and women she always had. _

_She knew Balem didn't like it. She tried to encourage him in his own affairs, making it clear that it need not mean a cessation of their own intimacies, but he was steadfast and loyal, traits she had ironically found sadly lacking in his father. _

_Falling in love again had been a surprise, falling out of it far less so. From this loss she gained two more children, Kalique, the daughter she had unknowingly longed for, and Titus, the most beautiful of her children and the most scheming. She loved them all, all three of them, her best and her brightest Balem; her clever confidante Kalique, adept at playing the long game and big picture thinking; and Titus, the youngest and the pet, always there to win her over with a bit of flattery or a witticism to make her smile._

_Balem could never see it that way. He made it clear he felt her attentions and love were as divided by his siblings as it had been by her lover. They fought more often now. He had begun to speak of the properties he managed for her as 'his', glancing sidelong at her petulantly as if daring her to correct him and half hoping she would. He had so perfectly taken in her teachings, and she had been delighted, but she had a feeling he wouldn't rest until he knew for certain that he was top of her pyramid. _

_She was growing tired of playing these games with her beloved son._

"Are you…" he began, swallowing, his voice cracking just a little, "…intimate with Titus, as we are intimate?"

Seraphi calmly looked up from her reading. "Balem…" she said warningly, but he wouldn't be checked.

"Are you?" he asked again.

She gazed at him levelly. "I don't speak to Titus of what passes between us, my darling, you cannot ask me to ruin his privacy as I would never ruin yours."

"I see." A tear ran down his cheek. "I understand now how it is." His throat felt tight and bitterness was welling in the back of his mouth. He could hear himself losing control. Seraphi was now looking at him warily, carefully placing her sheave down in case things were about to take a physical turn. He felt sick thinking about it, thinking about their fights of the past and their aftermath.

The bitterness was choking him. He took a step towards her and rifled feverishly through the sheaves laid out on her desk. He found the one he was looking for and held it out to her; the will.

"This still matters, doesn't it mother?" he whispered. "This is proof! I'm to have your favourite property, your best planet." He fell to his knees. "Please mother. Please tell me I'm your favourite, like you used to."

She took his hands in hers and held his delicate white wrists in a gentle grip. "Balem, darling, you are to have my best planet. My regard for you hasn't changed. You are my best and most useful boy, and I love you."

Balem stared up at her unblinking, watching her, wanting to believe. His breathing came more calmly. Seraphi reached over and wiped away his tears, before leaning in to kiss him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Her door beeped again. She kept her eyes closed, whoever it was would come in and disturb her peace sooner or later. The door opened._

"_Mother…" it was Titus, a whine in his tone. "Balem is-"_

"_What?" she said sharply. "If he has poisoned your wine or had your favourite splice skinned for a rug I will speak to him. If this is another complaint about how he manages my affairs, or because he refused you another 'loan' that we all know you will never repay, then kindly tell it to someone else." _

_Titus looked abashed. "Mother, it's not right that you should rely on him so. I am here too, I can help." _

_This was enough to make Seraphi open her eyes. "Help?" she said, rather sharply, "Titus, sweetheart, you have been given many chances. Kalique lives independently on the proceeds of the properties I gave her, Balem I can trust with anything. Titus, what will become of you when I'm gone? When I'm not here to clean up your messes?"_

_Titus smiled "Oh mother, you speak as if you're a decrepit old thing. There's plenty of life in you yet". He crossed the room to her bed and sat down, placing an affectionate hand on her arm. She sighed._

"_Alright, tell me what Balem has done to you this time." She murmured, closing her eyes again. She was so tired. _

Balem hadn't seen his mother in a long time. The needs of the business, the interviews, the traveling, and besides, she did not send for him. He was keeping a close eye on Kalique, who was showing more potential every century and, while showing no immediate desire to compete with or unsettle her mother and brother's success, nonetheless had always been shrewd and calculating and definitely bore watching.

In his rare time alone he took to brooding. He had heard rumours that Seraphi was no longer taking Nectar baths. He had heard that she was only using a topical solution every few years or so, as if she were a commoner, or the aspiring wife of a pleasure-ship magnate. A despicable part of him, part that he could never admit to anyone, was strangely, fiercely glad to hear it. The decline of Seraphi would be Balem's gain, the will looming large in his thoughts at these times.

He had to endure an FTL from Titus every so often, asking for money, or for help convincing mother of something. Titus did not offer any details about the rumours, and Balem would not ask him. He did not want Titus to know that he hadn't heard from Seraphi in decades.

There was no doubt that he was carrying on her legacy. The news stations spoke in awed tones of the Abrasax Heir, just as they speculated about the near disappearance of Seraphi Abrasax, for more than 70.000 years a glittering socialite, now a virtual recluse. Her youngest son, Balem thought with a snort, helped the gossip columns deal with their loss, as Titus involved himself in scandal after scandal; love affairs, gambling debts and raucous parties.

His communicator beeped and his heart leapt, as it always did, hoping it was her.

It wasn't her. It never was.


	6. Chapter 6

_She was nervous. It was ridiculous. She had never been nervous about speaking her mind to anyone in her long, long, life. But she was nervous about pushing that button and speaking to Balem face to face for the first time in a century._

_She bit her lip and pushed. Before long he was there in front of her on the FTL screen, looking just as regal and beautiful as ever, her best boy, her green-eyed son, lover, business partner and companion. She knew she didn't look like he remembered. Her face was lined and her hair was grey. She was old, for the first time in 90,000 years._

"_Mother..!" he said, shocked. She smiled at him._

_"Hello stranger," she said softly. "It's been too long. But I had to know my own mind before I could speak with you."_

_He cut her off. "I see the rumours are true. I am coming to you mother, do not do anything until I'm there." The screen went blank. Seraphi sighed. She had hoped to avoid a face-to-face confrontation. She hoped he would understand._

He strode "Mother, we must get you into a bath at once." Balem signalled to his mother's retainers with no result; they simply looked to Seraphi, who shook her head and dismissed them.

"Take a walk with me, Balem." she said tenderly, taking his arm. He allowed himself to be led out onto the terrace. Mother's view was quite stunning, every hill and forest artfully terraformed for her by the best landscape artists. Balem couldn't take it in though, he was astonished at his mother's appearance, astonished she would refuse a regeneration, angry and combative and, deep down farther than even he knew, _secretly delighted. _

She turned to face him. "My dearest, I'm so tired. Perhaps I understand now why our family has never been prone to offspring." She laughed at his serious expression. "Please don't take it personally Balem. I've put so much work into you all, and into Abrasax Industries, it's time to let it go." She reached up and placed a tender hand on his cheek. "I can only do this because of the trust I have in you, you know," she whispered. "You won't let me down."

Balem swallowed. "So you've decided to die, mother?" he said calmly, and Seraphi nodded, looking relieved.

"Yes. I have perhaps two decades left. I want no more recodes and no more Nectar. I'll be free and, of course, when I die you'll have your inheritance." She raised an eyebrow. "You can't tell me that doesn't soften the blow just a little."

Balem felt his cheeks colouring, panic rising, and horror that she could know even this about him, his deepest and most shaming thoughts. "Mother, you cannot say that," he whispered "I can't be without you, you know it. I know we've been apart lately, but I waited every hour for the command to return to your side!" He bared his teeth for a moment, anger and grief threatening to break his self-control.

Seraphi didn't rise to it. She looked sadly up at him. "Oh, my dearest, I never meant for you to be so dependent on me." He shook off her hand on his arm.

"But I _am, _mother, I _am, _just as you depend on me. What if I was leaving you? How would that make you feel? How do you think I feel, hearing this?" he grabbed her by the shoulders, forgetting that she was frail and hadn't half the strength she had when they fought last.

Finally she was rising to his anger. She tried to push him away. "How you feel? Please try to have a little understanding! Do you think it's easy to run a business like ours and at the same time wrangle three children, all of whom have ambition of their own, all of whom would step over each other to gain a little property? I am tired of it. I'm coming to hate it! I'm coming to hate my life, Balem."

His nostrils flared. His green eyes were full of tears. "How can you say that mother? How can you say that you hate us, when you've always professed most ardently to love us?"

"I don't hate you Balem, you're twisting my words-" She tried to shake him off again, but his grip was firm.

"I cannot watch you fade mother," he said, his voice calm, though his cheeks flared red and his grip on her shoulders was hurting her. "It is not within my power to do, you cannot ask it of me". He dragged her back towards the door. "We will get your recoded and into a bath and you will think better of this".

She struggled, summoning surprising strength, and slaps him hard on the cheek. He paid no mind to this, but when she grabbed his chin and forced him to look into her eyes he could do nothing but be caught in her arresting stare. "If you do this, Balem, please understand that you will have lost me all the same. This is not your decision to make."

He said nothing for a long minute, and then loosened his grip on her. She sagged slightly, not willing to relax yet, and he put a tender hand on her throat. He tried to speak and couldn't find the words, his mouth working in anguish, and she looked at him with pity in her eyes.

"It's for the best darling. I want to go, I must go, and I need you to help me. I need you to let me go." There were tears standing out in her eyes too, and she took a shaky breath. "Will you help me, my darling boy?"

He blinked, tears on his cheeks, and nodded almost imperceptibly. "I cannot watch you fade." He said again, and tightened his grip on her throat, and he thought of his inheritance, and he thought of her best planet, and he sobbed as he held her tightly to him and choked the life out of her.


	7. Epilogue

He had all his mother's retainers executed for daring to allow an assassin to slip in unseen and murder the Lady Seraphi Abrasax.

He comforted his sister, who sobbed theatrically and almost managed to hide her smile as he handed her the inheritance sheave. He endured Titus' sentimental monologues for as long as he could, before sending him off with a box of mother's lesser jewellery and hairpins to eulogise over.

He conducted interview after interview with the press expressing his sorrow, his grief and his determination to bring Abrasax Industries out of this terrible catastrophe and into new prosperity.

His sister had a statue made, an eerie shrine with a million candles and a team of retainers all to itself.

His brother commissioned all kinds of poetry and drank himself into a stupor every night for fifteen years.

Balem Abrasax stood in the Observation Deck of his Inspection Ship and looked out on a little blue planet not too far from his refinery on Jupiter. Earth.

_Oh, all the things that humans do,_

_To leave behind a little proof,_

_But the only thing that doesn't die is love, love, love._

_-Marina and the Diamonds_


End file.
